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Resume of George W. Bush
My past work experience:
- Ran for Congress and lost.- Produced a Hollywood slasher B-movie.
- Bought an oil company, but could not find oil in Texas. Company went bankrupt shortly after I sold all my stock.
- Bought the Texas Rangers baseball team in a sweetheart deal that took land using taxpayer money.
- Biggest baseball move: Traded Sammy Sosa away to the Chicago White Sox.
- With my father's help (and his name) was elected Governor of Texas.
My accomplishments as Governor:
- Eased pollution laws for power and oil companies and made Texas the most polluted state in the Union.
- During my term Houston replaced Los Angeles as the most smog-ridden city in America.
- Cut taxes and bankrupted the Texas government while borrowing billions of dollars.
- Set the record for most executions by any Governor in American history.
- Became President after losing the popular vote by over 500,000 votes with the help of my brother's crooked voting scheeme and my father's appointments to the Supreme Court.
My accomplishments as President:
- Set the record for most campaign fund-raising trips of any President in US history.- All-time US (and world) record holder for most corporate campaign donations.
- My biggest lifetime campaign contributor presided over one of the largest corporate bankruptcy frauds in world history (Kenneth Lay, former CEO of Enron Corporation).
- Have spent more money on polls and focus groups than any other President in US history.
- In my first year in office set the all-time record for most days on vacation by any US President.
- After taking off the entire month of August 2001, I presided over the worst security failure in US history.
- Entered office with the strongest economy in US history and in less than two years turned every economic indicator into negative territory.
- First President in US history to enter office with a criminal record.
- First President in decades to execute a federal prisoner.
- Set all-time record for the biggest stock market drop in history.
- Set the record for most private bankruptcies filed in any 12 month period.
- During my first two years in office over two million Americans lost their jobs.
- Set the all-time record for most business foreclosures in a 12 month period.
- Appointed more convicted criminals to administration positions than any other President in US history.
- Failed to capture the anthrax killer who tried to poison the leaders of Congress. After 18 months I have no leads and no suspects.
- In the 18 months following the 9-11 attacks I have successfully prevented any public investigation into the biggest security failure in the history of the United States.
- Removed more freedoms and civil liberties for Americans than any other President in US history.
- Set the record for the fewest Presidential press conferences since the advent of television.
- Signed more laws and executive orders amending the Constitution than any other President in US history.
- Presided over the biggest energy crises in US history and refused to intervene when corruption was revealed.
- Cut health care benefits for war veterans.
- Cut more benefits for unemployed Americans than any President in US history.
- First President to hide when the US came under attack (and lied that the enemy had Air Force 1 codes).
- First US President to establish a secret shadow government and brag about it.
- Failed to fulfill my pledge to get Osama Bin Laden "dead or alive."
- Dissolved more international treaties than any President in US history.
- My presidency is the most secretive and unaccountable of any in US history.
- Members of my cabinet are the richest of any administration in US history. (The "poorest" multimillionaire, Condoleeza Rice, has a Chevron oil tanker named after her.)
- Presided over the biggest corporate fraud of any stock market in any country in the history of the world.
- Created the largest government department bureaucracy in the history of the United States.
- Removed more checks and balances and have the least amount of congressional oversight than any presidential administration in US history.
- Refused to allow inspectors access to US prisoners of war and by default violate the Geneva Conventions.
- First President in US history to refuse United Nations election inspectors (during the 2002 US elections).
- Changed US policy to allow convicted criminals to be awarded government contracts.
- Set all-time record for number of administration appointees who violated US law by retaining large investments in corporations bidding for government contracts.
- In two years I created the deepest divisions in my country in decades, possibly since the Civil War.
- In less than a year after receiving world sympathy for the US after 9-11, made the US the most resented country in the world (possibly the greatest diplomatic failure in world history).
- With a policy of "disengagement" created the most hostile Israeli-Palestine relations in at least 30 years.
- Withdrew from the World Court of Law.
- Set the all-time record for biggest annual budget spending increases.
- First President to have the United Nations remove the US from the human rights commission.
- First President to have the United Nations remove the US from the elections monitoring board.
- First President in US history to order an attack and military occupation of a sovereign nation.
- First President in US history to have all 50 states of the Union simultaneously go bankrupt.
- Presided over the highest gasoline prices in US history and refused to use the national reserves as past Presidents have.
- First US President in history to have a majority of Europeans (71%) view my presidency as the greatest threat to world peace and stability.
- Set the all-time record for the most people worldwide to simultaneously take to the streets to protest me (15 million people), shattering the record for protest against any person in the history of mankind.
<http://www.hyperreal.org/~dana/marches/>- Due to my presidency the people of South Korea feel more threatened by the US than by North Korea.
- First President in US history to unilaterally attack a sovereign nation against the will of the United Nations and the world community.
- Attacked and occupied two countries.
- Spent the surplus and bankrupted the treasury.
- Shattered the record for biggest annual deficit in history.
My records:
- I have at least one conviction for drunk driving in Maine. (My Texas driving record has been erased.)- I went AWOL from the National Guard and thus deserted the military during a time of war.
- I refused to take any drug test or answer any questions about possible drug use.
- All records of my tenure as Governor of Texas have been sealed in my father's library, preserved in secrecy and unavailable for public review.
- All records of any SEC investigations into my alleged insider trading or bankrupt companies are sealed in secrecy and unavailable for public review.
- All minutes of the meetings of all corporate boards on which I served are sealed in secrecy an unavailable for public review.
- All records and minutes from meetings I (or my Vice President) attended regarding public energy policy are sealed in secrecy and unavailable for public review.
My references:
- George H. W. Bush, c/o The Carlyle Group
- James Baker, c/o The Carlyle Group
WWW.VILLAGEBLACKSMITHINC.COM
phone 440 543-4977
fax 440 543-0529
(Gee, I wanna give this guy a job - NOT!).
http://members.lycos.co.uk/lorerainbow/ResumeGWBush.html
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